"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"...what started out as a funny saying that I saw on Instagram somehow morphed into my new life mantra.
I found myself becoming more and more obsessed with the idea of losing weight and returning to my "glory days" aka pre-baby body. Every time I turned down something unhealthy I would feel empowered, proud of my ability not to give into the temptation of ordering a pizza or eating a cupcake, but for every time that I would give in, I would feel equally disappointed. How could I ever expect to lose the weight if I couldn't practice a little self control when it came to what I ate.
I've always had a love/hate relationship with my body. As a kid I was somewhat on the chubby side...ok, scratch that...I wasn't somewhat, your girl was a thickums lol. I probably weighed more in elementary school than I did in high school. I remember one of my little brothers teasing me (as most younger siblings do) and thinking to myself one summer that I was going to lose that baby fat. So the summer after sixth grade I did just that. I worked out at home and returned to middle school a new, slim and trim girl. Suddenly the boys liked me. Gone was the chubby round body of a little girl and in it's place was the body of a young woman. As a young girl who wasn't used to all this attention, I began to thrive off of it. I had always been a smart child, but I was beginning to see that sadly brains didn't attract teenage boys, but "a big butt and a smile" did (shoutout to BellBivDevoe).
In high school and even college I never really struggled to lose weight. As a matter of fact it was quite the opposite. Depending on what I was going through at the time there were actually times that I lost too much weight. Even still, it wasn't hard for me to gain the weight back or vice/versa if I really needed to thanks to a mixture of good genes and a fast metabolism. Unfortunately, wisdom isn't the only thing that comes with age and as I got older I noticed it was harder to lose weight.
When I got pregnant at 27 I thought that I was going to have one of those snapbacks like Beyonce' or Kim K., but hunnnniiii I didn't snap, crackle or pop back! Now I found myself heavier than I had ever been before and seemingly without the willpower to do anything about it. I would try this diet and that detox, workout for a few weeks, or take these pills but nothing seemed to work. Food became my best friend but also my worst enemy. How could something bring so much comfort but yet so much condemnation at the same time?
So this year I decided to give the keto diet a try. I made up in my mind that I would stick to it no matter how hard it got - and it got hard! Most of the things I LOVE, bread, pasta, sugar, you can't eat, but I was determined to stick with it. Then the weight began to come off! I was so excited! My confidence was up, my clothes were fitting different, I had a new pep in my step! Problem was while I was making changes to my outside, I never really dealt with the inner issues. I soon found myself obsessed with the scale and back in that same cycle of love/hate with food. I say all this to say if you only work to change the outside and don't do the work to fix the issues on the inside you will never be truly happy. It's like sending someone a gift. You wrap it all nice in a box and mail it off, but once they receive the actual gift it is broken. The outside has been wrapped up so pretty and dressed up with a bow, but the inside is destroyed. Our bodies are the same way.
I'm sharing all this and being so transparent because I want you to know that if you're like me and you have your outside all wrapped up in a pretty bow, but your insides may be broken, it's time that you put the work fixing those broken pieces. Pray, get therapy, do whatever it is that you need to do sis so that you become beautiful from the inside out. Also remember that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14)! God thinks you're beautiful whether you're a size two or twenty-two because he made you and like the old saying goes "God don't make no junk"!!! So go get your healing sis!!! Healthy (physically, mentally and emotionally) is the new black and babbbyyyy it looks good on you!!!
Pray for me as I continue to pray for ya'll on this new journey to healthy and wholeness!!! Love ya'll!